Busy week.. focusing on today :)

Hey :)
So this week is only just over halfway done but it almost feels like the end of it. I have been working every day apart from Wednesday, when I went to school, and I will be working until Saturday so not finished yet. But it has been a nice productive week. A week to be proud of.
I send out quite some internship applications, or am waiting for some contacts to send them to and been doing my best at work.
Being young and thinking about what I want to do as a job later seems pretty difficult for me. I am not completely sure yet what I want to do for the rest of my life. And sometimes it feels that i'm scared of the responsibility and pressure that comes with jobs. Don't take me wrong, I am sure I can handle it and do the job if I need too, however I don't know if I can be super happy at the same time.
Even when I am writing this now I can dream about being a writer for a living, but I do realize that i'm not that good of a writer at all. So many thoughts in my head that when I put them down or try to explain them to others it just seems like a chaotic mess.
The same goes for vlogging/ making youtube videos, dreaming about being able to do it for a living and just enjoy what i'm doing sounds as a great plan. But when I actually just focus on that it no longer is that fun anymore, because my subscribers don't grow or i don't get comments often. However, if I just think about the fun part of making the videos and watching them back later or just enjoying the fun at the moment, it is so much more enjoyable. Just like receiving one comment today on a video was like a great compliment and made me so happy, making somebody else enjoy what I like doing feels so much better than just doing something for the money or to become popular.
And that makes me think, do we maybe focus on the wrong things nowadays. Focus on the money, the goals, instead of the experience at that exact moment and what you like doing yourself. Because when you think about it... time goes so fast, maybe we should try and enjoy today instead of focusing on tomorrow and trying to remember yesterday.

See you next time
Xoxo Ezzie.

Another day

good evening :)
So this last week has been a lazy week even though I should have done some more things.
On Tuesday I got 1 wisdom tooth removed, the first one was removed in September so I knew I had to take it easy the days after getting this one removed. And just like with the other one I got a nice bruise on my jaw and painkillers were my friends this week haha. Luckily by now it all feels fine again just a bit sore every once in a while but I can deal with that haha.
Another thing I have been doing in the past week has been looking at computers and computer parts and I finally made the decision to not get a premade computer but to try and build one with the help of others. I have been getting some advice from friends and today I ordered the parts so lets hope its gonna be a great build for me and then I can start playing games again without lagging really bad haha and maybe start working on vlogs again.
So what are my plans for this week:
I send out an email for a internship so I hope I get a reply on that before Wednesday and if not I will try and call and see if they got something for me. It would be great to find an internship now and just relax but I don't wanna be to disappointed if this is nothing right now.
On Wednesday I also have a presentation for Japanese which i'm working on today so lets hope I can get a good grade for that so that I will be able to pass the big test easier aswell. Unfortunately I always have issues concentrating so I'm kinda procrastinating as always.
Other than that mostly just work and on Friday I am going to visit my grandma with my parents and after that go out for lunch and maybe do some shopping to just do something different than just sitting inside studying/working. So I'm looking forward to that :).

That was it for now so see you next time :)
xoxo ezzie

A new start.

Good day everybody,

As some of you might know i have been to Japan for about 5 months and came home in august again. In the meanwhile its already november and a few months have passed since I came home.

In Japan i made a lot of new friends from all across the world and barely had any alone time, which sometimes was a bit to much for me however, i started to get used to it slowly. Then i went back home again.. from being around people all day, suddenly it was just me and my parents again (my brother moved out while i was in Japan). 

This made me feel quite down in the first few days and maybe weeks, because it no longer was an option to just go have some coffee at a cafe with my roommate or study together in the library with some friends. Every thing needed to be planned again with my friends at home. Days before and sometimes weeks before we would plan dates to hang out together, but when the day would finally arrive, we would end up being to busy or i would just not feel like having the energy to meet up with friends. Which i was not happy with at all.

After a few weeks my school also started again and without knowing anybody i went to the classes and luckily i got to know some people in my class so that we could work on projects together but besides that no real friendships unfortunately.

Now you might think why is this girl being so negative about everything, she had a great time in Japan right!?

Well the thing is, I feel like i have lost my motivation for just standard things, like hanging out with my friends, go to school, work on projects etc.

Recently i got a new job which im really happy with, and at least im busy with that and it gives me the feeling that i am doing something usefull. However, when the times come that i have to do things for school for example i just start feeling down i guess or just super tired. 

This is not me asking for attention or anything, i just hope by writing this down i slowly start getting over it again and start to get more motivation for things again. Because, im not really happy with how it is right now. 

I stopped vlogging after Japan because i felt like my daily life became to boring and the laptop i would edit on, i have given to my sister temporarily for school because hers broke down.

But maybe its a good thing to start blogging again. About the little things i enjoy in life and maybe that will help me move forward again. 

So from here on i think its a good time for a new start, so lets do it!

Xoxo Ezzie